He won't let go :)

disappointment.

Why do we feel disappointed?

I have always wondered why I have had the patience to put up with negative feelings. But I can say that I'm glad God gave me a strong heart and mind to push through all the pain that I've felt throughout my life. Right now disappointment is the best word to describe how I feel. Why? Well because the people that I'm closest to or thought was closest to haven't been the best people to help me during the hard times. I never imagined that the closest people to me are actually the furthest from me right now. Yet life still goes on, whether you're going through good or bad. I really wish my life could be maybe say predictable. Just because I don't know what God has in store for me. Right now I am just living my life day by day, not knowing what's going to happen next. I can honestly say that I'm scared. BUT, I know that God is always on my side. I came across a song titled I won't let go by Rascal Flatts. Even though maybe the "I" in "I won't let go" doesn't necessarily mean God, I thought of it that way. And after I heard it, it made me feel safe. I hope somehow it will make you feel that way too :)

I Won't let go by Rascall Flatts

It's like a storm
That cuts a path
It breaks your will
It feels like that

You think your lost
But your not lost
on your own
Your not alone

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
If you can't cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I wont let go

It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know it's dark
This part of life
Oh it finds us all
And we're too small
To stop the rain
Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
And you can't cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight

And I wont let you fall
Don't be afraid to fall
I'm right here to catch you
I wont let you down
It wont get you down
Your gonna make it
Yea I know you can make it

Cause I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
And you can't cope
And I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I wont let go
Oh I'm gonna hold you
And I wont let go
Wont let you go
No I wont.

inspiration.

It's been a super long time since I blogged. Feels weird trying to get back to it. But I'm taking the time out of my busy life to write this :P

So, I just got back from retreat and got prophesied by Pastor Amos. The weirdest thing is that he said I can act and also something about me taking journalism. He said I am a good writer and that people will buy books that I have written. When I heard that I was like whoaaaaa, slow down here. It kind of didn't make any sense to me at first but after I thought about it, it got me thinking about how I do like writing and how I like inspiring other people through it. Even though I'm pretty sure no one actually reads my blogs. Hopefully, just hopefully when someone does, they will be inspired through it :)

one of those days.

I never imagined my world falling apart in just a blink of an eye. Well maybe not completely apart but it's pretty close. I always imagined myself having an easy life with everything taken care of and all I have to worry about is graduating from school, but I guess life comes unexpected. Just when you think things are working out right, the next problem shows up and your life comes tumbling down. You try to cheer yourself up by saying that you are strong and will be able to push through, but the reality is that sometimes we just need to stop thinking about everything and let it all go, take a deep breath, maybe even cry or scream. After all that, it made me realize that the most important thing to do at a time like this is to PRAY and seek GOD. I found a quote saying, "Bad days are just the days when God reminds you to seek Him for you might have been too far from Him. Pray!" That quote itself spoke to me about how any problem that I face is never too big for GOD and that when I trust in Him and pray to Him asking for help, the doors will be opened. So just remember that when you're having one of those days, seek God.

trust and love

"I believe that trust is the best proof of love"

Today I heard a story which inspired me to write about trust and love. It got me thinking about how trust plays such a big role in your life but most of all, your love life. I bet questions like "Do I trust him?" "Can I trust him?" "Does he trust me?" always pops in your head now and then. Even though some of you may say, of course I trust him! I think sometimes you just say it but don't mean it, cause deep in your heart you want to be right where he is and constantly want to know what he is doing and with who. This is the part where guys are like Woww! Girls these days! haha. But have you ever wondered if guys actually feel the same way? I've always had that curiousity. I want to know what's going on in their head when we go out with our guy friends or when we don't return his calls or reply his texts. Sometimes, I think guys are just the same as girls but they just can't or wont admit it. Guys are just as confusing to us, as we are to them. So basically aren't we the same in a way? haha. Okayy maybe I'm getting a bit side tracked here. What I'm trying to say is that sometimes it's hard to trust people but it never hurts to try. Because in the end you will know who are the people that you can and cannot trust. For anything that happens during the period of time you get to know that person or date that person, whether it's being able to trust them or not, take it as a part of life. If you can trust them then great, if not then let it be a lesson learned! :) Plus, the more you trust the stronger your love will be! :)

stay strong :)

Have u ever had that feeling where you're really mad at someone but you don't even know the exact reason why? Well that's what I'm feeling right now. I guess when you expect too much out of someone and don't get the results you want, disappointment comes along. Honestly not a feeling that I need right now. I wonder if crying my heart out would help this feeling go away? Cause lately crying has come easy to me. I get easily offended and I'm so sensitive these days. Maybe I'm just PMS-ing! And no it doesn't mean Pre-Menstrual Syndrome but more like Pissed at Men Syndrome. haha. Lame I know! :P Well I guess one way to let all your feelings out is through writing, so here I am splurting my heart out after not blogging since like forEVER! I guess no matter what happens to you, you take everything as life experience and just think that whatever happens, good or bad, it only makes you stronger! :)

retreat'09 - live your life !

So I just got back from retreat with pastor amos and all I can say is that it was awesome! :) GOD is so good to all of us. The 1st night we got there we had a power outage because of all the wind that knocked some trees down so all the electricity was off and you can imagine how that was but that didn't stop us from praising and worshiping the Lord :) Pastor Amos said that God is showing us how it is when there is no electricity but we should still be able to do things as long as we walk in the light. We didn't have our 1st session but pastor Amos did share about his experiences. Around 11 we went to our cabins to sleep and finally the electricity went on around 2am.

The next morning we all got a wake up call at 6am and yes my room are all heavy sleepers so none of us wanted to wake up. haha. but we finally got out of bed went to prayer then breakfast and then our session began. We learned about how God speaks to us through our dreams, visions, prophecy, thoughts or our feelings. We also learned how about we can miss our destiny if we do not wait for God's timing. I guess it's always about the right timing, the right time to get a boyfriend/girlfriend, the right time for getting a job, etc. God always has his own timing for everything. Afterall he already has everything planned for us anyway :) So then it was free time till 6pm, we had group activities, rock climbing, high ropes, basketball, tennis or you could sleep if you wanted too. haha. But I did the high ropes course and let's just say I was freaking out like crazy but I had good friends to back me up and kept pushing me to go forward. After all those activities it was dinner time and then another session. We had an awesome praise and worship in the beginning then came along the session which was about the 2 principles: the principle of making a stand and the principle of divine dependance. It taught us how we have to stand up for Jesus and make the best out of it because a lot of other people need to be saved and if just one person stands up for Jesus a lot of people's lives can change. An example is like this video. Copy and Paste the link and hopefully you can watch it :)

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=622595000&ref=profile#/video/video.php?v=87705636216&ref=mf

So the night passed by and it was time for a bonfiree! wohoooo! :D it was our last night there but it was a fun night. We played the telephone game, charades and we ate smores. Eventhough it was super cold but we didn't care. We just had a lot of fun with all our friends. It started getting late and we had a long day and we had to wake up early again the next morning so we all went back to our cabins and got ready for bed.

Morning came, another wake up call but none of us woke up. We slept till like 7 and we were all late for the morning prayer. ooppsss ;P but we got ready as soon as we could and left to the sanctuary. We had breakfastt then our last session came :( We learned about walking in the spirit. How if we walk in the spirit then nothing can stop you. We have an awesome God and all we have to do is believe in Him. Nothing is impossible for God ;) After that last session I got prophecied by pastor Amos. He said that i had a lot of dissapointment in my life and rejection and how I felt guilty all the time. Tears started coming down my face as he said that. He said that I need to forget about the past. He also said that I am going to be an intercessor. woww didn't see that one coming. haha. He also said that people who have had the same experience as i had such as rejection and all that, will come to me for advice and I will be there to help them :)

Overall, retreat was AWESOME! I learned a lot, made new friends and had fun at the same time! I wish we could have been there longer but I guess it had to end some time + we all have school the next day. haha. but because of retreat now I have a new view of life, I'm gonna be more faithful and more on fire for God! :)

avalanche - marie digby

So I found a song which pretty much explains how I feel right now :(

Avalanche

Since when do you come around?

And the temperature's changed, nothing's the same
Left me, in yesterday
You don't see me that way, touched me that way, no more
When you get so cold, I'm not sure just how much longer I can hold

You got me standin' at the bottom of this mountain that we've made
And the ground is shakin' from all of our mistakes
But there's no one, but then the ice is in our way
It's a matter of time, We can rewind

If only you knew, Why my heart goes through for you
I'm tryna break through, Don't you think it's worth the chance?
Let's leave the past, Is that too much to ask?
And where do we stand?
Can we pull through this avalanche?
Can we pull through this avalanche?

We see what's up ahead, Why do we stay? Watchin' us fadin'
Trapped in, by regret
There's no way out, and there's no way in
And it's so cold, I'm not sure just how much longer I can hold

You got me standin' at the bottom of this mountain that we've made
And the ground is shakin', from all of our mistakes
But there's no one, but then the ice is in our way
It's a matter of time, We can rewind

If only you knew, Why my heart goes through for you
I'm tryna break through, Don't you think it's worth the chance?
Let's leave the past, Is that too much to ask?
And where do we stand?
Can we pull through this avalanche?
Can we pull through this avalanche?

The bond is breaking, and it's taking over, my spirit
Something's shifted, have we drifted too far, apart now?